A Writer's Life, a Dog's Life.
Time flies when you have a dog.
I was thinking this while working on a new novel and participating in the last day of Jami Attenberg’s #1000wordsofsummer. Petey Sellers was snoozing on the floor at my feet, the same way he has for the last five years, the last five #1000wordsofsummers. He’s been sleeping at my feet in the mornings in the aqua room where I write, a dining room that’s more of a writing room, for the last eleven years.
I can’t believe it’s been eleven years.
I’m not amazed that we’ve been in this house, or written four novels going on five and countless stories and essays, I’m amazed at the length of our friendship. Petey, my assistant editor, has been by my side for all of it, loving morning writing like it was his own. And in a way, it is. Like me, he gets cranky when we don’t go to the same spot and write. Dogs love a routine, and while we have routines for other things, this one, this morning writing, has stuck.
It must be great to be a writer’s dog.
This year, June has been one of the coolest and rainiest I can remember. It hasn’t been this way for years, and I’m grateful for lots of reasons, but especially because we’ve been able to keep our favorite routine a while longer. After starting the day with Petey’s breakfast and tricks, a few yoga poses, meditation, and taking notes, we go to the dining table. Petey gets a Kong with a little yogurt or another treat; I get a 1/2 caffe coffee or green tea with oat milk; Petey finishes his Kong and stretches out on his gray memory foam bed, ready to nap. I open my laptop, then lean down and give him a big hug and ear scratches. He smiles, and I begin.
Petey smiles anytime I’m writing, especially when I’m writing about him. It must be the energy. I’m locked in, creating, happy and stress-free, and he knows it. I’m relaxed, so he’s relaxed, too, dreaming while I bring dreams to the page. It’s a wonderful thing to write with a dog asleep at your feet. Does the clacking of keys sound like a lullaby? Does the energy that brings words from brain to hands to keys spill over to him? Does my joy at being in the flow, either transposing from paper, writing new words, or revising something I love, flow out of me and into him, turning my aqua dining room, the one full of family photos, art, plants, and a vintage Wurlitzer piano, into a portal? One filled with magic?
It feels magical.
This particular morning is cold and wet, which means the view out the back window is soothing, like a secret garden. The greens are luscious and rich, dotted with pink flowers, roses, and hostas, popping out against the grey. It’s writing weather, and I love it. With all that’s been happening lately, it soothes every part of me. Petey sleeps hard, kicking his feet in a dream. He had a hard day yesterday, so it’s nice to hear his snores, which are lighter. My little editor who’s also a fighter.
I open up my #1000wordsofsummer document, a new one that I start every year. This year, while caretaking Petey, I gave myself permission to go lightly, to make the daily word count or half of it, but just to show up. Over those two weeks, I worked on an essayette and Petey chapters in a new book. It felt good to dive into a new story, one that’s been with me since 2019. Now it was getting my full attention, which felt good because Petey is in it. He’s not just inspiring a character, he’s one of the main characters with his own chapters. Since May 12th, Petey has been out of remission, so there’s been a shift, but for the most part, he feels well. The last treatment he got really worked, and while it won’t work for long, it’s great to see him so perky. We’re close, so I know I’ll know when he’s ready to go. But for now, he’s happy, prancing around and making friends along the way. I can almost hear him say: it’s summer! We have words to write! You have people to see! There are parks and pup cups, car rides and friend walks. There are sunrises and sunsets, ear scratches, and hugs from people he loves. There is everything and everyone available to him for as long as he’s here.
It’s hard to focus when your best friend’s health is declining.
But that’s when I have to remember who we are: a writer and her dog. It’s my job to write, and it’s his job to assist me. They say all dogs have a purpose, and I know Petey’s is to make sure I do the work I love, the work that connects us to each other and the world. He's also here to make sure we take breaks. There's a walk to transition from writing to work, a noon break to go out, an afternoon break, and always one at 5:30 for dinner, songs, and tricks, sometimes followed by a second walk. Before the pandemic, these routines brought us joy. During the pandemic, these routines truly saved me as we were isolated together at home.
On mornings when I have meetings or have to skip morning writing and make up for it, later, Petey Sellers lets me know his displeasure by sighing, heavily, and hanging his head. If I go straight to the office, he sits on the couch, in protest, letting me know that I’m missing the very best part of the day. When I’m connected to a piece of writing, I’m also more connected to him. On most mornings, I write before I work. But during the two weeks of #1000wordsofsummer, I’m in the world of the mind, observing, getting inspired, and making connections. And Petey is always a part of that. There’s a deep sense of satisfaction and belonging when you’re inside a story. Dogs pick up on that joy. And dogs, being dogs, run with it.
When I got this house, the writer’s cottage, I got it because I couldn’t find an apartment and was tired of moving. I’d moved seven times in seven years, and was exhausted. When I got Petey, I was living with my partner at the time and thought we’d be raising him there, together. But when that didn’t work out, I was suddenly ready to put down roots, somewhere with a backyard and a green space where he could walk, a place full of nice neighbors and dogs. That’s exactly where we live. He has lots of friends here, dogs and humans, who ask about him and give him treats as he prances by. During the pandemic, our neighborhood community grew, especially those of us walking our dogs. They rallied around me when I got sick and recovered in 2020, around Petey when he got cancer and fought in 2021, and now, since the cancer’s come back. Petey gives everyone everything, even when he’s not feeling well. His smile lights up a room — and people’s hearts. So this simple life, this writer’s life that I thought I was creating for me, was really for both of us.
Meditate. Write. Walk. Repeat.
Petey was there when I finished up the final edits on my debut novel in the middle of the night, sitting on the floor of our new house because we didn’t have a couch, yet. He was there when the books arrived, grinning when I opened the box. When I started the next book, the one about birding, we took long, early walks in different neighborhoods, stopping to listen for and observe birds. We did a lot of backyard birding, too, Petey never chasing them but watching, curious. He got used to Saturday and Sunday early morning writing sessions at the magical dining table or outside after a walk, those times when work was far away and I could dive in and focus. The next year, when I started the next book about brain injuries, constellations, and astronauts, Petey laid on a blanket next to me at night, gazing at the stars. As spring turned to summer, he’d chase the birdie during badminton, sunbathe on the lounger as I gardened, and smile up at the sky as I read on a blanket on warm Sunday nights. We spend plenty of time with friends and family, too, but over the years, we’ve filled our life together with nature, connection, and play. A writer’s life can be solitary, at times, but it doesn’t have to be lonely.
Over the past two pandemic years, we got the chance to explore our relationship and communication; I got to heal, in so many ways, to remember how to relax, share my work with the world, and let go to let in. Petey’s cancer journey has been hard, but it’s also inspired me to create something with his name on it, his pictures, his pep talks, and stories. I’m a better writer and person for sharing our truths.
Mom, he says. When you do work of your heart, you shine like a million suns.
Mom, he says. Keep writing. Keep fighting. Don’t give up.
As I showed up to the page this #1000wordsofsummer, Petey Sellers showed up, too, lending his voice and writing his own chapters in a way I didn’t expect. Some mornings I’d transpose whatever I started in meditation. Some mornings I didn’t write much, but then got inspired by him on a walk, and ran home to scribble notes in my journal. Sometimes Petey came to me in dreams and was there when I woke up. In between work and caregiving, for those two weeks, we spent our mornings together in pursuit of a goal – to make a book, one with him in it. We do this most mornings, but the #1000wordsofsummer time is special. Besides the support, encouragement, and awesomeness of Jami’s letters and an online community, there’s the energy of embarking on this mission with thousands of other writers. Petey felt it and showed up, too, giving me unconditional love, laughter, and material. He was thrilled we were together and that I was finally giving him a spot in a book and letting him tell his story after all this time. Letting him shine.
We’ll do our morning writing and walks as long as we can, appreciating every single moment of this time together. In the aqua dining room looking out at the garden, we’ll tap into each other, but also into something bigger than ourselves. When I bring it to the page, I’m also attempting to bring it to the world. Petey Sellers is a big fan of that.
It’s a writer’s life, but really, it’s a dog’s life.
And truly, that’s the very best life of all.
Stickers! Subscribe! Visit!
We made you stickers! Anyone who subscribes gets some! E-mail coming later, but subscribe at any level and we’ll send you stickers. They were Petey’s idea, of course. He wanted to give his society members some fun! Bonus: send photos of you wearing a sticker with or without Petey. We’re starting a collection to post here, later. Thanks so much for being our friend! If you live in Portland, Petey would love a visit. Adorable Petey Sellers portrait by the fabulous Kait Kenobi.
Loves
Jami Attenberg’s #1000wordsofsummer project is a complete and total joy. But in between, she does Craft Talks, amazing writerly pep talks/peeks into her process/general awesomeness for the writing community. Bonus: she donates to charity.
My friend, collaborator, director and photographer Gary Nolton was kind enough to capture me and Petey on a sunny day right when we got back from the beach. Thanks, Gary! He really captured the spirit of our relationship. Check out his work.
Friday Night Dance Parties wouldn’t be the same without the fabulous DJ Action Slacks. Check out her Friday night show, Travlin’ the Tracks, on KMHD!
Update
Petey tweaked his back a few weeks ago and has been in some pain, but he’s getting better. In good news, he was healthy enough to get a second shot of Elspar. In not-as-great news, this may be the last chemo that he gets. It might work, it might not, and it probably won’t work as long as the last one, which was two weeks. To any of our Portland friends, please reach out for walks, coffee, or visits. Petey would love to see you in this window while he’s still relatively healthy (except for that back.)
We’re preparing for this last mile, as he’s not feeling as good as he felt the last two weeks. We had a great June! And we’ll try to have the best July we can, but lymphoma is tricky. It can turn on a dime. But if I know Petey, he already has a plan for all of this, including making sure I’m okay. I tell him that I am! It’s my job to take care of him! But we all know that ours is a two-way street. For today, which is how we take it, he’s sleeping at my feet in the magical dining room as I post this. Assistant editor, fighter, hero, lover of love. Thanks for being here! We love you.
xoxo,
Kari & Petey
What a lovely tribute Kari.